EarthBound Underground
by EeveeMistress
Summary: What happened while Ness and Paula were stuck under the Threed graveyard? Yeah, rated for safety... If anyone has a cover idea for this, please let me know!


**I'm alive! Thank the FanFiction gods for Christmas break! And EarthBound REALLY needs more fics...**

**This is my Christmas gift to all of you, one day early! 'All of you' meaning whoever decides to read this thing. I just finished writing it. Hope you guys like it!**

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS!**

I'm up at two in the morning. This is my _normal_ holiday schedule, but it doesn't mean I'm not kind of out of it. Besides, I want to write. ...Hm, what needs more fics...? ...Oh, EarthBound! Right! ...Hmm... Inspiration... Yes! I'll see how many takes I can come up with on what Ness and Paula were up to while Jeff was off fighting bears and crashing Sky Runners.

Well, it IS two in the morning... Comedy! ...Oh, there are so many ways I could go with this... And it probably won't make any sense later. Who cares? ...Why am I still talking?

**Disclaimer**: I am not Japanese, and I've got no claims to EarthBound. I wish I did, then I could force Nintendo to release the first and third games in America. ...I wanna play all three. Yet... I can't set up an emulator to play Super Smash Bros. Melee or Animal Crossing... So what chance would I have to set up fan translations? ...Oh, why am I bothering, I can't set up an emulator of any kind! Technology, I'm _good_ with you! Why have you forsaken me, Internet?!

...All off-topic rants aside, please enjoy whatever random insanity ensues.

Any ideas on what to do with this? I could do anything, after all. ...Oh, maybe I'll post it right when I'm done! A Christmas gift! ...Yeah, I'm in a good mood tonight. And EarthBound _needs_ more fics... Especially to celebrate the Virtual Console thing. I need a Wii U, just to play EarthBound..**.**

Ness was seriously questioning several things.

One, his stupid mistake of following a suspicious stranger into a hotel.

Two, Paula's sanity.

Three, whethere Giygas liked waffles. ...Probably not, but maybe. ...Did Giygas like bacon?

"Ness," said Paula, sounding mildly annoyed.

"Huh?"

"Oh, good, you're awake!"

"I didn't fall asleep, Paula."

He didn't remember her being this weird before this. Maybe it was something in the underground air, or claustrophobia or something. Either way... He was the one who had to deal with her. He noticed she was holding the teddy bear she had pulled out of a trash can, directly after questioning _him_ digging through trash cans('This is a bear, _not_ a sandwich! There's a _difference_!'). "...Paula."

"Yes?"

"_What_ is its name?"

"Huh?"

"The bear. _What_ is the bear's _name_?" He knew it had one by now. The girl hadn't been _completely_ normal prior to the whole 'underground' thing. She kept teddy bears around. A lot. And she liked them. To the point where Ness would gladly replace a destroyed one just to stop her complaining. And because she looked so happy with one.

"His name is Teddy!"

"...I should've packed some board games... Risk would be nice. I could take over Australia. ...Wait, _Teddy_? Very... Um... Original name...?"

"Thank you."

Ness sighed in relief, and then remembered something. _Crap! I'm locked underground with a crazy girl holding a teddy bear and wielding a _frying pan_. No, focus. Focus. Not on the crazy. ...No, figure out _why_ she's acting crazy._

"Paula, is something up?"

"Hm? No, I'm fine!"

"...Really," Ness sighed. "Something has _got_ to be up. I don't mean to offend you or anything... But you're kind of scaring me a little..."

She blinked. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, sounding sincere. "I... This is kind of a scary place to be stuck in..."

"I know. ...Do you have a permanent marker, or paint or something?"

"No... Why?" Now _Paula_ sounded somewhat suspicious.

"I was hoping we could play something... I don't know, Connect-The-Dots?"  
-

Well, this is taking a different tone than I intended. ^.^ Still nonsense, though, I think - but nonsense with a _plot_. And one I won't have trouble writing like my one multi-chapter fic that is _still_ waiting on _chapter two_. ...Maybe a one-shot collection after this? Who cares if nobody reads it? I get to write, and if one person likes it then I'm happy.

Let me know what you think, if anyone who actually looks through these poor, neglected archives...? Please? ...Or I'll set Psycho Paula on you. And if you hurt Paula, I'll send Ness after you with a battleaxe. ...No, I'm kidding. Happy holidays! I can't ruin the one time of year I can run around singing Christmas carols to annoy my friends like _that_! Nobody gets axed, don't worry. Naw, I'm too sweet in winter, especially December and February. ...Say, anyone need a teddy bear named Teddy?

Paula: Don't you DARE!

Ness: Calm down, she's kidding. ...Uh, you _are_ kidding right? ...Though I wouldn't say no to a battleaxe.

Yes, I'm _kidding_. Jeez! Can't I get a laugh at two-something AM? ...Guess not. Aww! And Ness, you can have the battleaxe on one condition.

Ness: What condition? I _hate_ these '_conditions_' people set...

Well, _mine_ is much better.

Ness: How?

My condition is that you attack Pokey with it any and every time you see him.

Ness: Deal!

Take it, here.

Ness: Thanks!

Paula: ...And _I'm_ supposed to be crazy? Yet _you_ entrusted a _minor_ with a battleaxe?

Eh, he's responsible. ...Besides, we're _all_ minors. I'm fourteen!

Ness: Wait... Why is my section neglected?!

Well, at least _your_ game got localized?

Ness: ...I guess... But I hear people say the third one is better!

Hm. A bit dark for my tastes. Too much death. ...I mean, these are _Nintendo_ games. Nah, I'll stick to EarthBound, once I get the damn emulator working, and _maybe_ check out the first game.

Jeff: I might be able to help you set up an emulator.

You know what one is?

Jeff: Ness made me set one up a while ago. Wanted to play his _own game_.

Ness: Yeah, thanks!

Jeff: No problem.

Paula: Ness! We've talked about this!

Ness: What?

Actually, Paula, maybe that can go as something later. I want to post this today.

Paula: Yes! Okay! ...Hey, why does Nintendo think America hates EarthBound anyway?

I have no idea. ...Low retail sales? ...I _thin_k I heard someone mention it...

Review, please? ...I can't set anything on you, it's the holidays... Too bad, now that Ness has his battleaxe...

Ness: I'm going to go find Pokey... POKEY! Prepare for DEATH!

Jeff: Paula, maybe make sure Ness doesn't overdo it?

Paula: Okay!

Good idea, Jeff! ...Damn, this note is long... Um...

Valerie(and Ness and Jeff and Paula), Signing Off


End file.
